Religion and Ethics Forum
General Category => General Discussion => Topic started by: Free Willy on May 03, 2018, 12:09:57 PM
-
I don't know but surely the inability to mourn is a sign of dehumanisation.
Is it down to the illusion of self shit?
Expect more humanity to disappear if that is at the bottom of things.
-
Where’ve you got this from?
-
I have only been to four funerals in my 68 years on this planet. My mother-in-law's funeral wake only lacked the party poppers and streamers. ;D
-
Where’ve you got this from?
Experience of people refusing to show any emotion except laughter and yes close relatives and friends and hearing a number of people say they want everyone to have a laugh at their own.
Why the fear of mourning or displaying grief?
-
Experience of people refusing to show any emotion except laughter and yes close relatives and friends and hearing a number of people say they want everyone to have a laugh at their own.
Why the fear of mourning or displaying grief?
I have never felt grief at the funerals I attended.
-
Experience of people refusing to show any emotion except laughter and yes close relatives and friends and hearing a number of people say they want everyone to have a laugh at their own.
Why the fear of mourning or displaying grief?
This is very judgemental of you. Maybe they prefer to share their grief privately. I’ve both cried and laughed at funerals. They mark a beginning of grief and mourning, it’s a process that isn’t there on demand, and certainly not for the approval of others.
The most unbearable funeral I’ve sttended was that if a small boy. It was beautifully done but nothing could hide the ugliness of a life that had ended way too soon and that changed a family and a community forever. Nobody laughed then so no doubt that would have met with your approval.
-
This is very judgemental of you. Maybe they prefer to share their grief privately. I’ve both cried and laughed at funerals. They mark a beginning of grief and mourning, it’s a process that isn’t there on demand, and certainly not for the approval of others.
If you've cried at a funeral then I say you get it.
A friend of mine who manages a lot of staff has noticed that when people die in his office people seem more blasé about it.
People are losing connections. No doubt someone will say that's evolution and we have to accept it.
-
If you've cried at a funeral then I say you get it.
A friend of mine who manages a lot of staff has noticed that when people die in his office people seem more blasé about it.
People are losing connections. No doubt someone will say that's evolution and we have to accept it.
So people who don't cry at funerals, do not get some non described 'it' by which you judge them deficient? Mmm....
-
And since anecdote is king on this are thread, I attended twelve funerals from July last year to Jan this year. People cried, laughed, stood stoically, brokedown , sometime the same person. But maybe they didn't have 'it'. And I should have told them they were doing funerals wrong.
-
So people who don't cry at funerals, do not get some non described 'it' by which you judge them deficient? Mmm....
No I acknowledge that some people don't cry at funerals. I guess I am talking about the increasing suppression and incapability ofgrief and maybe lamenting the increased and socially expected uniformity of occasions as de rigeur ''Bits of a giggle''.
-
No I acknowledge that some people don't cry at funerals. I guess I am talking about the increasing suppression and incapability ofgrief and maybe lamenting the increased and socially expected uniformity of occasions as de rigeur ''Bits of a giggle''.
No, you're just making an unprecedented a exertion and using that to judge People who don't behave the way you think is right at a funeral as wrong. Further you're then making what vague wafting generalizations about something worse in some objective way with no justification or analysis. Having been to too many funerals last year, I suggest that getting judgemental about how others with death, is not good look.
-
No, you're just making an unprecedented a exertion and using that to judge People who don't behave the way you think is right at a funeral as wrong. Further you're then making what vague wafting generalizations about something worse in some objective way with no justification or analysis. Having been to too many funerals last year, I suggest that getting judgemental about how others with death, is not good look.
You may suggest that, it;s your forum after all.
-
You may suggest that, it;s your forum after all.
No, it isn't my forum. But it is your evasion.
-
No, it isn't my forum. But it is your evasion.
What am I evading? People are losing the ability to grieve and are turning everything into a bit of a laugh and banter because they have become intoxicated with Dawkins inspired Darwinism hence the parlous state of the BBC and the love affair of the British with extreme Thatcherism?............and that's just the good news.
-
What am I evading? People are losing the ability to grieve and are turning everything into a bit of a laugh and banter because they have become intoxicated with Dawkins inspired Darwinism hence the parlous state of the BBC and the love affair of the British with extreme Thatcherism?............and that's just the good news.
I forgive your evasion, your poisoning of the well, your hypocrisy, and your use of strawmen. I can only assume that someone important to you has died recently and this has led you to judge others reactions in this way. While understandable, I think you need to reach out to others to find the connection you are worried about losing. My thoughts are with you but you need to work through this. Take care
-
Moderator:
Moved to here from Theism and Atheism.
-
This is very judgemental of you. Maybe they prefer to share their grief privately. I’ve both cried and laughed at funerals. They mark a beginning of grief and mourning, it’s a process that isn’t there on demand, and certainly not for the approval of others.
The most unbearable funeral I’ve sttended was that if a small boy. It was beautifully done but nothing could hide the ugliness of a life that had ended way too soon and that changed a family and a community forever. Nobody laughed then so no doubt that would have met with your approval.
I am fortunate that I have never attended a funeral of a child, which would be very hard to bear.
-
Yes it is, I have many years ago. A baby who was born prematurely and died after less than a day. That was terribly sad and everyone cried.
I also went to the funerals of an eighteen year old cousin & a young adult child of a friend. Everyone was grieving at both.
I don't know how many funerals I've attended but there has been grief at all of them, how much depended on the age of the deceased. A very elderly person, though they will be missed, is seen to have had a good long life and there's inevitability at their death.
People do tend to cheer up at a wake and talk about the deceased & eulogies by those who knew them well give comfort to those left behind but afterwards they are left alone with their thoughts & that's when the real grieving begins.
-
I have never felt grief, even for my maternal grandmother of whom I was very fond. She had a massive stroke in 1980 when she was nearly 82, I was relieved that she died. She would have hated to have required personal care, she had always been in control of her life until that point in time.
-
I can understand how you felt about her funeral, I would have been the same in those circumstances. However you are fortunate never to have felt grief at any funeral - but you've only been to four.
-
When my wife died, in her early 50s, I requested that people did not wear black or drab coloured clothes because - although this was a sad and serious occasion - we were there to celebrate that she had lived and that our lives were richer for that. Of course , I was grieving (and still am) but the sharpness of my grief actually came rather later.
Vlad asks: "Why the fear of mourning or displaying grief?" There is no fear of mourning, but people in mourning should be left to find their own way. Not be forced into a particular form of grieving because the Victorians went over the top. Mourning is a period of adjustment to a new reality - the pain of loss is always there, but so is the need to adjust to a new, unplanned future.
I think, perhaps, that Matron should think very carefully about letting Vlad near the keyboard ...
-
I can understand how you felt about her funeral, I would have been the same in those circumstances. However you are fortunate never to have felt grief at any funeral - but you've only been to four.
I didn't attend her funeral. I was unable to do so as it was term time and I had to get my children to school.
-
Naturally what I think about funerals is influenced by my relugious beliefs, but the get together afterwards has always been uplifting, especially after my dad's and brother's funerals. They were a good old piss up, remembering and lots of crying and laughing.
-
You've hit the nail on the head ad_o, a mix of crying and laughing. That's how funeral wakes usually are unless there has been a real tragedy. I'm sorry btw that you have lost brothers! That is very sad.
What am I evading? People are losing the ability to grieve and are turning everything into a bit of a laugh and banter because they have become intoxicated with Dawkins inspired Darwinism hence the parlous state of the BBC and the love affair of the British with extreme Thatcherism?............and that's just the good news.
I don't get the link to Darwinism but I do think there are some who try too hard not to show feelings, refuse to 'give in' to grief & others who are insensitive to the bereaved.
It takes all sorts Pvte. Frazier, we can't see into their heads. Some probably don't know how they are supposed to behave. We've lost a lot of our customs and rituals, even if they didn't have much real meaning people knew how to behave in certain circumstances & for how long. They also had more people around them to give support. Jews and Muslims could give us lessons on this subject!
-
My father's funeral was quite interesting as it was very traditional as far as my home island was concerned. As the eldest child I was the chief mourner and had the most prominent position in the church, followed by my family, then my sisters and their families. I permitted my mother to be alongside me and my husband, even though that wasn't apparently required.
-
I've been to far too many funerals - and conducted some as well. The body in the box may be centre stage, but the funeral is there for the family, usually the closest relatives. It's their show. If they want to demonstrate their love and devotion for their loved one in laughter, or in tears, using hymns ancient and modern, or rock anthems, wearing black, purple or whatever, then that's their way of coping with their loss. If I'm conducting, I'll allow anything within reason....bad language or similar acts in a church setting would be out; apart from that, as long as thwere is dignity and compassion in the service, that's fine by me. I want folk to walk out of church, or leave a crematorium or graveside with some memories of the day which will help them cope in the days, weeks and months which will s urely follow.
-
That - is - a - lovely post, Anchorman. Wish you were 'down here' & could conduct my family and friends' funerals :D, you're a gem.
-
I've been to far too many funerals - and conducted some as well. The body in the box may be centre stage, but the funeral is there for the family, usually the closest relatives. It's their show. If they want to demonstrate their love and devotion for their loved one in laughter, or in tears, using hymns ancient and modern, or rock anthems, wearing black, purple or whatever, then that's their way of coping with their loss. If I'm conducting, I'll allow anything within reason....bad language or similar acts in a church setting would be out; apart from that, as long as thwere is dignity and compassion in the service, that's fine by me. I want folk to walk out of church, or leave a crematorium or graveside with some memories of the day which will help them cope in the days, weeks and months which will s urely follow.
Lovely post
-
Experience of people refusing to show any emotion except laughter and yes close relatives and friends and hearing a number of people say they want everyone to have a laugh at their own.
Why the fear of mourning or displaying grief?
Why the fear of having a good time? Everybody has to die at some point, it's part of life. When somebody whose body has basically said "enough" dies at a "ripe old age" why should their funeral be an exercise in seeing how sad everybody can be? Celebrate their life.
-
Most funerals are celebrations of a life & if someone has had a fairly long, good life, it's not terribly sad - but not all are like that. Some people die tragically young or unexpectedly such as result of an accident.
My view is if I go to a funeral of someone I don't know that well but know their relatives and go out of support of them (colleagues for example), I will be fairly quiet and respect their grief.
-
I have no wish to attend anymore funerals. My husband doesn't want one if he goes first, and I am more than happy to comply with his wishes.
-
I do understand how you feel LR, when my cousin died at eighteen (I was sixteen, she was like an elder sister), it was so dreadfully sad and I remember saying to my parents I never wanted to go to another funeral - but of course I did.
Sometimes close friends who lose a parent or sibling - or anyone - like and appreciate a friend to come to the funeral. No-one has to stay for the entire do - wake, etc - but it is a mark of respect to attend & doesn't hurt.
One of my neighbours whom I know quite well have just been bereaved; they are Jewish and his (Ben's) father died at 83. His wife Sue (Suzanne) told me this morning that as soon as his he heard his dad died he found a plane flight to Israel because they usually do burial within 24 hours where parents and siblings lived, unless there is post mortem. Sue told me Ben felt guilty about not being there but I said to her that someone could live around the corner and not be there to which she agreed (her mum was away visiting brother, when her mum died). She couldn't go because of work and kids but I know how much they absolutely adored his dad, lots of Israel holidays & parents and family came here.
Had 'dad' been here I would have sat and joined in with mourning, it differs according to Jewish traditions, and I feel very sad for Ben - but he'll move on. Yet I feel their grief.
Sometimes it's important to go to a funeral even if you don't feel like doing it.
-
I do understand how you feel LR, when my cousin died at eighteen (I was sixteen, she was like an elder sister), it was so dreadfully sad and I remember saying to my parents I never wanted to go to another funeral - but of course I did.
Sometimes close friends who lose a parent or sibling - or anyone - like and appreciate a friend to come to the funeral. No-one has to stay for the entire do - wake, etc - but it is a mark of respect to attend & doesn't hurt.
One of my neighbours whom I know quite well have just been bereaved; they are Jewish and his (Ben's) father died at 83. His wife Sue (Suzanne) told me this morning that as soon as his he heard his dad died he found a plane flight to Israel because they usually do burial within 24 hours where parents and siblings lived, unless there is post mortem. Sue told me Ben felt guilty about not being there but I said to her that someone could live around the corner and not be there to which she agreed (her mum was away visiting brother, when her mum died). She couldn't go because of work and kids but I know how much they absolutely adored his dad, lots of Israel holidays & parents and family came here.
Had 'dad' been here I would have sat and joined in with mourning, it differs according to Jewish traditions, and I feel very sad for Ben - but he'll move on. Yet I feel their grief.
Sometimes it's important to go to a funeral even if you don't feel like doing it.
Why? I didn't attend my mother's funeral in 2013, that has never bothered me.
-
I have no wish to attend anymore funerals. My husband doesn't want one if he goes first, and I am more than happy to comply with his wishes.
How would the rest of your family feel about that? As Anchorman said in his excellent post, funerals are for those left behind. I've decided not to leave any instructions for my funeral, I'll leave it up to my friends and family.
-
How would the rest of your family feel about that? As Anchorman said in his excellent post, funerals are for those left behind. I've decided not to leave any instructions for my funeral, I'll leave it up to my friends and family.
They would be happy to comply with their Father's wishes. They can put me in the rubbish bin when I kick the bucket I have no wish for any funeral or wake.
-
Funerals aren't exactly fun, but I think they're psychologically important, as an opportunity to say goodbye.
-
Funerals aren't exactly fun, but I think they're psychologically important, as an opportunity to say goodbye.
For some maybe, but not for me.
-
My mother hates funerals so has planned hers already in a way that she thinks will minimise the upset for me based on her feelings about them. But she didn’t actually ask me how I felt and it won’t make life easier at all.
-
Funerals aren't exactly fun, but I think they're psychologically important, as an opportunity to say goodbye.
Sometimes. Not always.
-
My mother hates funerals so has planned hers already in a way that she thinks will minimise the upset for me based on her feelings about them. But she didn’t actually ask me how I felt and it won’t make life easier at all.
Well as she won't be around to argue, why not do it the way you want? You can even argue that it is what she really would have wanted since her aim is to minimise your upset, even if her plan was wrong.
-
Funerals aren't exactly fun, but I think they're psychologically important, as an opportunity to say goodbye.
Exactly.
LR might not care about her remains, but those left behind will.
They might want to have some sort of commemoration to mark her passing, if only to give them some sort of marker to start the grieving process.
-
Naturally what I think about funerals is influenced by my relugious beliefs, but the get together afterwards has always been uplifting, especially after my dad's and brother's funerals. They were a good old piss up, remembering and lots of crying and laughing.
Yes A O, there's no formula, I like to think we all do our best to comfort those that have lost loved ones, humour, tears, remembering good things past, hand on the shoulder, very little else you can do, other than this showing of solidarity by being there.
Regards ippy
-
Just shows how different we all are.
I can't imagine not going to the funeral of a young man aged 25 who died with no apparent cause (SADS). I had liked him and his parents and sister but hadn't seen any of them since he was about 12, he lived nearby then and he and sister played with my kids. They moved away, we just kept in touch with Christmas cards after that, not great friends but thought of them all fondly. Expect many of us have acquaintances like that.
When his mother telephoned me about his death I never thought twice about going to the funeral and helped her on the day, serving people etc after the funeral. It was so very sad but they were all glad I went even tho' couldn't do much & left fairly early during the wake. We still keep in touch. I doubt his parents have ever really got over it tho' they had to do well for their gorgeous daughter.
Writing this makes me think I might make an effort to go and see them soon - they're not that far away.
However I think some funerals are quite traumatising for some mourners and that shapes their views. No idea about LR who has only been to four,amazing for someone who is - don't know how old - but well in late fifties at least.
-
Well as she won't be around to argue, why not do it the way you want? You can even argue that it is what she really would have wanted since her aim is to minimise your upset, even if her plan was wrong.
As I understand it she’s literally arranged it. I think it’s all paid for and I’m assuming there are instructions in her will.
The part that I think will be left to me will be arranging a memorial service in London. Her friends will be mortified if they don’t get to mark her life and from what I can gather she has made it clear that no one is to go to the actual funeral.
I’m half tempted to buy a cardboard coffin for her, paint it with flowers and poetry and have a woodland burial complete with shamanic drumming.*
*Actually that’s how I want to go, with copious quantities of mead.
-
Just shows how different we all are.
I can't imagine not going to the funeral of a young man aged 25 who died with no apparent cause (SADS). I had liked him and his parents and sister but hadn't seen any of them since he was about 12, he lived nearby then and he and sister played with my kids. They moved away, we just kept in touch with Christmas cards after that, not great friends but thought of them all fondly. Expect many of us have acquaintances like that.
When his mother telephoned me about his death I never thought twice about going to the funeral and helped her on the day, serving people etc after the funeral. It was so very sad but they were all glad I went even tho' couldn't do much & left fairly early during the wake. We still keep in touch. I doubt his parents have ever really got over it tho' they had to do well for their gorgeous daughter.
Writing this makes me think I might make an effort to go and see them soon - they're not that far away.
However I think some funerals are quite traumatising for some mourners and that shapes their views. No idea about LR who has only been to four,amazing for someone who is - don't know how old - but well in late fifties at least.
How kind, I am 68 actually.
-
This subject came up on the religious magazine programme on Radio 4 this morning. Funeral directors report that more and more customers are going "straight to cremation" perhaps with a later event celebrating the life of the dead person.
My understanding (there was a mention of it in the item) is that the modern concept of a funeral is largely a Victorian invention. What is so special about having a dead body in a locked box in a church?
-
This subject came up on the religious magazine programme on Radio 4 this morning. Funeral directors report that more and more customers are going "straight to cremation" perhaps with a later event celebrating the life of the dead person.
My understanding (there was a mention of it in the item) is that the modern concept of a funeral is largely a Victorian invention. What is so special about having a dead body in a locked box in a church?
You can have a cremation without any ceremony I believe, which is what my husband and I would opt for.
-
As I understand it she’s literally arranged it. I think it’s all paid for and I’m assuming there are instructions in her will.
The part that I think will be left to me will be arranging a memorial service in London. Her friends will be mortified if they don’t get to mark her life and from what I can gather she has made it clear that no one is to go to the actual funeral.
I’m half tempted to buy a cardboard coffin for her, paint it with flowers and poetry and have a woodland burial complete with shamanic drumming.*
*Actually that’s how I want to go, with copious quantities of mead.
My mother died last year and she'd left a fully paid up funeral plan for herself, to make life easier for me. She always maintained she didn't want any fuss and despite being a committed Christian this meant no church service, just a cremation, followed by tea and biscuits at her bungalow afterwards. I felt quite relieved as I'm not really one for events, and as an only child I'd have to sort everything out, but when the time came it just didn't feel right. She'd been a church person all her life and she'd arranged a terrific funeral and wake for my father when he died. I also realised that her friends in the church community hoped for something more traditional to send her on her way. So in the end we had a church funeral followed by refreshments in a side chapel organised by one of the church ladies and then the cremation, which we didn't attend. It was a strange time for me as I was never quite sure who I was doing all this for. My mother was past caring and this wasn't what she'd asked for, I'm not churchy and hate rituals and gatherings of all sorts, and I didn't know her friends anyway. But it seemed the right thing to do and in the end everyone felt that it worked out very well. The decisions somehow made themselves and I felt more like a passenger than the person in the driving seat, but that felt appropriate too. When my time comes I'd like to be left somewhere for the buzzards and foxes, though they'd probably find me a bit stringy. But really funerals are for the living and it seems right to leave them to do whatever they feel comfortable with.
I should enjoy that mead while you still can. You won't be able to take it with you! My OH, who's a beekeeper, makes lots of the stuff from her honey but sadly I never get offered much of it. She hoards it as it gets better with age and she wins prizes for it all over the country. Last year she was awarded first in one of the biggest shows in the UK and was given an enormous mead horn, decorated with silver and fully a metre long! I do get to drink her honey beer though, for which she also regularly wins firsts.
-
My understanding (there was a mention of it in the item) is that the modern concept of a funeral is largely a Victorian invention. What is so special about having a dead body in a locked box in a church?
Pretty sure that's bollocks. The Christian churches have always offered funerals.
-
Pretty sure that's bollocks. The Christian churches have always offered funerals.
I think It's whatever brings some comfort to those left behind, the christian churches can offer whatever they like, you don't have to take up their offerings Steve, sure as anything the ones in the boxes won't be bothered, either way.
Regards ippy.
-
There have always been funeral/burial rites in all traditions, long before the Victorians.
In Victorian times children grew up with deaths of people of all ages, not morbid, it was normal & not a taboo subject; there were things people did when someone died, depending on their own beliefs & traditions. It has become less and less so & young people particularly find death hard to deal with especially disposing of the body. I've known people to be quite scared of that & have the attitude that the sooner it's over & the less anyone has to see or think about the details, the better.
No-one can help how they feel but having and giving support and observing some sort of tradition can be useful.
-
I think It's whatever brings some comfort to those left behind, the christian churches can offer whatever they like, you don't have to take up their offerings Steve, sure as anything the ones in the boxes won't be bothered, either way.
Obviously, but you're moving the goalposts. the question was whether funerals were a Victorian invention.
-
My mother died last year and she'd left a fully paid up funeral plan for herself, to make life easier for me. She always maintained she didn't want any fuss and despite being a committed Christian this meant no church service, just a cremation, followed by tea and biscuits at her bungalow afterwards. I felt quite relieved as I'm not really one for events, and as an only child I'd have to sort everything out, but when the time came it just didn't feel right. She'd been a church person all her life and she'd arranged a terrific funeral and wake for my father when he died. I also realised that her friends in the church community hoped for something more traditional to send her on her way. So in the end we had a church funeral followed by refreshments in a side chapel organised by one of the church ladies and then the cremation, which we didn't attend. It was a strange time for me as I was never quite sure who I was doing all this for. My mother was past caring and this wasn't what she'd asked for, I'm not churchy and hate rituals and gatherings of all sorts, and I didn't know her friends anyway. But it seemed the right thing to do and in the end everyone felt that it worked out very well. The decisions somehow made themselves and I felt more like a passenger than the person in the driving seat, but that felt appropriate too. When my time comes I'd like to be left somewhere for the buzzards and foxes, though they'd probably find me a bit stringy. But really funerals are for the living and it seems right to leave them to do whatever they feel comfortable with.
I should enjoy that mead while you still can. You won't be able to take it with you! My OH, who's a beekeeper, makes lots of the stuff from her honey but sadly I never get offered much of it. She hoards it as it gets better with age and she wins prizes for it all over the country. Last year she was awarded first in one of the biggest shows in the UK and was given an enormous mead horn, decorated with silver and fully a metre long! I do get to drink her honey beer though, for which she also regularly wins firsts.
If your mum didn't want a church funeral, then that was her choice - nd the church should have respected it, imho.
The words and hymns can do nothing for the deceased, and if the family - the nearest and dearest - felt uncomfortable being there, not much for them, either.
The main purpose of a church service is to praise and glorify God - even in grief.
However if those there are only going through thr motions because it's the 'done thing' there is no glrory there.
-
This subject came up on the religious magazine programme on Radio 4 this morning. Funeral directors report that more and more customers are going "straight to cremation" perhaps with a later event celebrating the life of the dead person.
My understanding (there was a mention of it in the item) is that the modern concept of a funeral is largely a Victorian invention. What is so special about having a dead body in a locked box in a church?
Yes, I heard that too - most interesting. One of my brothers died last year and the simplest of coffins was taken by the Funeral Directors at the earliest opportunity to the crematorium - the family had already said their farewells quietly and there was zero religious belief involved.
There was quite a large family and friends get-together later in July.
My sons will do the same for my body and although there could be a very small gathering for local friends and mobile nieces and nephews, my old friends and contemporaries live quite far and have their own mobility and health problems, so I hope I shall be able to say farewell to them before hand when the time arises. :) A practical approach is the best as far as I am concerned.
-
Obviously, but you're moving the goalposts. the question was whether funerals were a Victorian invention.
Steve, the Victorians were notorious ones for going over the top in all sorts of ways, funerals included, most of them are gone now including their over the top style, which would look to some, in it's time, no doubt look as though they invented the whole process as well.
Regards ippy
-
Obviously, but you're moving the goalposts. the question was whether funerals were a Victorian invention.
And you should try reading what is written - not what you think is written.
I wrote
My understanding (there was a mention of it in the item) is that the modern concept of a funeral is largely a Victorian invention.
Of course there have always been funerals and funerary practices, but it was the Victorians who bequeathed(!) practices such as wearing black and mournful music.
-
This subject came up on the religious magazine programme on Radio 4 this morning. Funeral directors report that more and more customers are going "straight to cremation" perhaps with a later event celebrating the life of the dead person.
My understanding (there was a mention of it in the item) is that the modern concept of a funeral is largely a Victorian invention. What is so special about having a dead body in a locked box in a church?
The main advantage of using a church is that it is usually a lot bigger than the chapel available at the crematorium and you are less tight for time. The last but one funeral I went to was for a friend of mine who "died young" (he died around 50 but was a cystic fibrosis sufferer). His wife chose to have the non religious memorial service in the crematorium chapel. She had to book two slots for the service she wanted and the chapel was packed with people standing two deep all along the walls at the back. It would have been much more comfortable IMO to do the main service in the church followed by a small committal in the crem, or even do the committal first with only a select band of mourners and then have a memorial service in a church.
-
I would have thought you could have a non religious memorial service anywhere at all.
I’ve attended a non religious memorial service in a church which was led by the parish priest. He stuck to the widow’s request not to do god at all, and he didn’t take his usual fee as he said not mentioning god wasn’t part of his job so he felt he couldn’t charge in those circumstances. The cremation itself was separate and humanist.
-
I would have thought you could have a non religious memorial service anywhere at all.
I'm sure you could, but churches tend to be geared up to providing this kind of service (in the service industry sense as well as the church service sense) with staff who know what they are doing.