So just how pointless is your job?
1 Why did you pick your profession?
a) I wanted to help the world
b) I needed the money
c) I don’t know, I just sort of fell into it
2 How are you paid?
a) I receive a small sum for every African village I help to rebuild
b) Hourly
c) I’m on a salary
3 What sector do you work in?
a) Medical
b) Food services
c) Strategy and consultancy
4 What’s your work uniform?
a) Scrubs
b) A hairnet, a bright yellow T-shirt and a badge that says ‘Have a Burgeriffic Day!!!’
c) Everyone usually just wears chinos and shirts around here
5 How many words in your job title are cartoonishly generic?
a) None
b) One or two
c) At least six
6 How much paperwork does your work entail?
a) Some, but it’s used to catch dangerous criminals, so it’s useful
b) None
c) My job is literally all paperwork
7 How many hours a week do you work?
a) 40
b) 16
c) 60
8 You’re describing your job at a party. Do people?
a) Instinctively try to snog you
b) Empathise wearily
c) Glaze over entirely
9 If you were promoted three times, what would your job be?
a) Headmaster
b) Assistant manager
c) Senior pensions calculation development executive
10 What would happen if you quit your job right now?
a) My patient would probably die on this operating table
b) It would probably go to one of my classmates instead
c) Nobody would notice for a week, and even then it would be because I didn’t reply to an email about there being birthday cake on the photocopier
11 What is your view on bureaucracy?
a) It can be important
b) I don’t know what it is
c) It’s a living
12 How well are you paid?
a) It’s OK, but that’s not why I do it
b) Really badly
c) Just enough to keep me in my job
13 If this were an episode of Lost, would you be . . .
a) Sun, who plants the garden
b) Charlie, who takes the heroin
c) Jonathan, the innovation delivery lead who didn’t make it past the first draft of the pilot because nobody knew what to do with him
14 How long is your stare?
a) One yard
b) A thousand yards
c) I can honestly see into distant dimensions
15 Do you think your job is bullshit?
a) No!
b) No.
c) Dear lord, yes.
