Author Topic: Limericks  (Read 134 times)

Steve H

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Limericks
« on: September 11, 2018, 11:53:26 PM »
A daring young lady called Jill
Tried a dynamite stick for a thrill.
They found her vagina
In South Carolina
And bits of her tits in Brazil.

The limerick's an art form complex
Whose contents run chiefly to sex.
It's noted for virgins
And masculine urgin's
And vulgar erotic effects.

There was a young lady from Twickenhasm
Whose shoes were too tight to walk quick in 'em.
One terrible night
She turned very white
And took them both off and was sick in 'em.

Carry on, chaps.
« Last Edit: September 12, 2018, 12:41:36 PM by Steve H »
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Owlswing

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Re: Limericks
« Reply #1 on: September 12, 2018, 11:16:39 AM »
Thnks for the opportunity Steve H but I have enough Moderator warnings against me already to invite any more by posting most of the limericks that I know!
If there must be trouble let it be in my time that my children may have peace. Thomas Payne

An it harm none, do what you will; an it harm some do what you must!

Steve H

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Re: Limericks
« Reply #2 on: September 12, 2018, 12:40:54 PM »
Thnks for the opportunity Steve H but I have enough Moderator warnings against me already to invite any more by posting most of the limericks that I know!
;D
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Gordon

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Re: Limericks
« Reply #3 on: September 12, 2018, 06:37:50 PM »
There was a young man from Tralee
Who got stung on the nose by a wasp
When asked 'did it hurt?' he said 'not a bit..
It can do it again if it likes'.

My much missed mother-in-law thought this was very funny for some reason.


jeremyp

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Re: Limericks
« Reply #4 on: September 12, 2018, 08:41:23 PM »
There was a young man from Tralee
Who got stung on the nose by a wasp
When asked 'did it hurt?' he said 'not a bit..
It can do it again if it likes'.

My much missed mother-in-law thought this was very funny for some reason.
It is very funny.
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Robbie

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Re: Limericks
« Reply #5 on: September 13, 2018, 02:45:01 PM »
Agreed it is funny.

Why don't we start limericks and then another poster continues?

A cyclist called Steve rode to Icklesham
And on his return ate some chips and ham
True Wit is Nature to Advantage drest,
          What oft was Thought, but ne’er so well Exprest

ekim

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Re: Limericks
« Reply #6 on: September 13, 2018, 04:21:36 PM »
The chippy who served him,
Her name, it was Robbie
And she liked to cycle for a hobby.
Now Steve always dreamed of a tandem
But through nerves, his words came out random
And instead of 'a twosome'
He said something gruesome.
Robbie  said 'No, I am a chippy
And I would rather listen to Ippy.'

Robbie

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Re: Limericks
« Reply #7 on: September 13, 2018, 07:25:52 PM »
Well done ekim!  More doggerel than limerick though. Maybe two lines at a time would suffice. However I enjoyed your poetry immensely and think you deserve a gold star for effort.

An Apple computer in Bromley
Caught virus and behaved quite wrongly!
True Wit is Nature to Advantage drest,
          What oft was Thought, but ne’er so well Exprest

jeremyp

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Re: Limericks
« Reply #8 on: September 13, 2018, 08:03:10 PM »
Agreed it is funny.

Why don't we start limericks and then another poster continues?

A cyclist called Steve rode to Icklesham
And on his return ate some chips and ham
The first lines do not rhyme
And Robbie’s to blame
But at least they do scan unlike the last one.
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Steve H

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Re: Limericks
« Reply #9 on: September 13, 2018, 11:16:54 PM »
A poster called Jeremy P
Invited the Bishop to tea
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Robbie

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Re: Limericks
« Reply #10 on: September 13, 2018, 11:31:19 PM »
Oy, what was wrong with my apple computer from Bromley one?

However -

the tea leaves were read
True Wit is Nature to Advantage drest,
          What oft was Thought, but ne’er so well Exprest

Steve H

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Re: Limericks
« Reply #11 on: September 14, 2018, 07:46:57 AM »
Then they jumed into bed
(I thought jp finished the apple one.)
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ekim

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Re: Limericks
« Reply #12 on: September 14, 2018, 09:40:42 AM »
Well done ekim!  More doggerel than limerick though. Maybe two lines at a time would suffice. However I enjoyed your poetry immensely and think you deserve a gold star for effort.

An Apple computer in Bromley
Caught virus and behaved quite wrongly!
Doggerel is my middle name.

An Apple computer in Bromley
Caught virus and behaved quite wrongly!
When you pressed 'T's and 'P's
The computer would sneeze
And the mouse would cough quite strongly.

Owlswing

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Re: Limericks
« Reply #13 on: September 14, 2018, 07:13:10 PM »

There was a young man from Uppingham
Who stood on a bridge at Buckingham
Watcging the stunts
of the c***s in the punts
and the p****s of tne dicks
that were f****g 'em.

The a you gay of Rangoon
Who took a lesbian up to his room
They argued all night
As to who had the right
To do what and with what and to whom!

There was a young man from Darjeeling
Who got on a bus at Ealing
A notice he saw
Said don't spit on the floor
So he stood up and spat on the ceiling.
If there must be trouble let it be in my time that my children may have peace. Thomas Payne

An it harm none, do what you will; an it harm some do what you must!