Author Topic: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny. (Read 256981 times)

Sebastian Toe · « **Reply #1075 on:** December 17, 2021, 11:18:48 AM »

I got a job working for a market research company, my first job was to find 100 women and ask what their favorite shampoo is.

100% of them replied “Get the fuck out of my shower"!

Aruntraveller · « **Reply #1076 on:** December 20, 2021, 10:11:47 AM »

Threw a Ball for my little dog last night, I admit it was slightly extravagant,
But he looked great in a Tuxedo.

Aruntraveller · « **Reply #1077 on:** December 22, 2021, 10:52:46 AM »

Have you ever noticed that the word.. "incorrectly" is spelt incorrectly in every dictionary you can find.

Aruntraveller · « **Reply #1078 on:** December 22, 2021, 06:21:54 PM »

Not a nice experience in the supermarket just now .
Somebody threw a piece of cheese hitting me on the head ,
I thought that's not very mature

Sebastian Toe · « **Reply #1079 on:** December 22, 2021, 07:24:08 PM »

I was attacked in the street, by six dwarves.

Not happy!

Nearly Sane · « **Reply #1080 on:** December 24, 2021, 08:00:52 AM »

Nearly Sane · « **Reply #1081 on:** December 24, 2021, 08:25:09 AM »

Nearly Sane · « **Reply #1082 on:** December 24, 2021, 08:39:43 AM »

Nearly Sane · « **Reply #1083 on:** December 24, 2021, 09:16:58 AM »

the most unbelievable thing about James Bond is how he can go into hotel rooms and immediately know how to use the shower

Stranger · « **Reply #1084 on:** December 24, 2021, 10:27:20 AM »

Aruntraveller · « **Reply #1085 on:** December 24, 2021, 11:09:15 AM »

Here is a little known fact.
The creator of Winnie the Pooh, AA Milne had a smaller brother,
AAA Milne.

Walt Zingmatilder · « **Reply #1086 on:** December 24, 2021, 11:47:50 AM »

Apparently Ricky Gervais couldn't perform because he felt a little funny...........his manager told him to get on stage before it wore off.

Sebastian Toe · « **Reply #1087 on:** December 25, 2021, 01:09:41 PM »

Quote from: Walt Zingmatilder on December 24, 2021, 11:47:50 AM

Apparently Ricky Gervais couldn't perform because he felt a little funny...........his manager told him to get on stage before it wore off.

Gervais, Dawkins....you can't stop posting about them.
Looks like you have dick issues?

Sebastian Toe · « **Reply #1088 on:** December 25, 2021, 01:11:09 PM »

I found a coin in the street, it had tooth marks all over it.

I think it was a bitcoin.

Sebastian Toe · « **Reply #1089 on:** December 25, 2021, 01:21:16 PM »

Dogs cannot operate MRI equipment.

....but cats can!

Sebastian Toe · « **Reply #1090 on:** December 25, 2021, 01:26:04 PM »

What is the password to Forrest Gump's computer?

1forrest1

Sebastian Toe · « **Reply #1091 on:** December 25, 2021, 01:33:27 PM »

During lockdown I decided to take up fencing.

My neighbours asked me to put it back immediately!

Sebastian Toe · « **Reply #1092 on:** December 25, 2021, 01:37:38 PM »

How do you make an squud laugh?

Ten tickles.

(Edited for accuracy)

jeremyp · « **Reply #1093 on:** December 25, 2021, 08:46:15 PM »

Quote from: Sebastian Toe on December 25, 2021, 01:37:38 PM

How do you make an octopus laugh?

Ten tickles.

Errr....

That might work with squid.

Sebastian Toe · « **Reply #1094 on:** December 25, 2021, 10:54:59 PM »

Quote from: jeremyp on December 25, 2021, 08:46:15 PM

Errr....

That might work with squid.

What?
An octopus won't laugh if you tickle it ten times?
...where's the 'arm in that?

Sebastian Toe · « **Reply #1095 on:** December 25, 2021, 11:08:14 PM »

I used to have a goldfish that could breakdance.

Only for ten seconds though, and only once.

Nearly Sane · « **Reply #1096 on:** December 26, 2021, 11:32:20 AM »

Steve H · « **Reply #1097 on:** December 26, 2021, 03:11:58 PM »

Who you gonna call?

Nearly Sane · « **Reply #1098 on:** December 28, 2021, 10:03:21 AM »

Nearly Sane · « **Reply #1099 on:** December 28, 2021, 12:38:40 PM »

As a personal tribute to David Bowie, I've made a whole tin of Heroes last just for one day.

News:

Author Topic: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny. (Read 256981 times)