Author Topic: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny. (Read 255688 times)

Nearly Sane · « **Reply #1276 on:** December 01, 2022, 03:09:17 PM »

I've decided to release a Christmas single
‘Duvet Know It’s Christmas?’

It's a cover version.

Nearly Sane · « **Reply #1277 on:** December 01, 2022, 04:45:41 PM »

Steve H · « **Reply #1278 on:** December 01, 2022, 04:55:33 PM »

I order four kindles from Amazon, and they sent me a two Ronnies DVD. Then I went to a bookshop and asked for a book on body-building. They suggested 'Frankenstein'.

Nearly Sane · « **Reply #1279 on:** December 02, 2022, 07:31:56 AM »

I got an email explaining how to read maps backwards. It was spam.

bluehillside Retd · « **Reply #1280 on:** December 02, 2022, 11:20:01 AM »

I lost my job as a fortune teller today because all I ever predicted was cold winters.

Turned out the crystal ball shop had sold me a snow globe…

(Gary Delaney)

SqueakyVoice · « **Reply #1281 on:** December 12, 2022, 08:33:49 AM »

I used to worry sheep.
I'd sidle up to them and say, 'There isn't a god."

(C) Sean Lock

Walt Zingmatilder · « **Reply #1282 on:** December 12, 2022, 09:29:19 AM »

Quote from: SqueakyVoice on December 12, 2022, 08:33:49 AM

I used to worry sheep.
I'd sidle up to them and say, 'There isn't a god."

(C) Sean Lock

Apparently Sean Lock told his manager he couldn't perform because he felt a little funny. His manager told him to get on stage before it wore off.

SqueakyVoice · « **Reply #1283 on:** December 12, 2022, 09:40:13 PM »

I found a new book.Covid-19; How Bat shit crazy went viral.

jeremyp · « **Reply #1284 on:** December 14, 2022, 10:50:01 AM »

We need more Bible jokes.

After ten years of friendship, Bob told me his real name was John of Patmos.

That was a revelation.

Nearly Sane · « **Reply #1285 on:** December 14, 2022, 05:24:35 PM »

Nearly Sane · « **Reply #1286 on:** December 14, 2022, 05:51:26 PM »

Appropriate

https://youtu.be/SQNIpLoN_-8

Nearly Sane · « **Reply #1287 on:** December 23, 2022, 11:48:46 AM »

Nearly Sane · « **Reply #1288 on:** December 24, 2022, 07:17:25 PM »

Nearly Sane · « **Reply #1289 on:** December 25, 2022, 03:13:54 PM »

Got the missus a prosthetic leg for Xmas. It’s not her main present, just a stocking filler.

Nearly Sane · « **Reply #1290 on:** December 25, 2022, 03:39:33 PM »

Washington Post's MENSA chapter asked its members to choose one word from Webster’s; replace one letter, and then provide a new definition to it. These are the top winners.

Nearly Sane · « **Reply #1291 on:** December 26, 2022, 09:07:02 PM »

Very niche joke

SqueakyVoice · « **Reply #1292 on:** December 26, 2022, 09:33:09 PM »

Quote from: Nearly Sane on December 25, 2022, 03:39:33 PM

Washington Post's MENSA chapter asked its members to choose one word from Webster’s; replace one letter, and then provide a new definition to it.

Podant, a person with excessive concerns on the details and rules of a podcast.

Aruntraveller · « **Reply #1293 on:** December 26, 2022, 10:09:49 PM »

Quote from: SqueakyVoice on December 26, 2022, 09:33:09 PM

Podant, a person with excessive concerns on the details and rules of a podcast.

Surely that should be a person with an excessive interest in feet.

Nearly Sane · « **Reply #1294 on:** December 27, 2022, 11:41:05 AM »

Nearly Sane · « **Reply #1295 on:** December 27, 2022, 01:16:57 PM »

Nearly Sane · « **Reply #1296 on:** December 28, 2022, 02:07:57 PM »

'I bought a Russian advent calendar. Every time you open a window an oligarch falls out.'

Nearly Sane · « **Reply #1297 on:** December 31, 2022, 05:36:12 PM »

Nearly Sane · « **Reply #1298 on:** January 02, 2023, 05:30:36 PM »

'I heard recently that police broke up an illegal Botox party at a neighbour's house.
None of the guests looked surprised!'

Steve H · « **Reply #1299 on:** January 02, 2023, 09:25:05 PM »

Quote from: Nearly Sane on December 26, 2022, 09:07:02 PM

Very niche joke

Too niche for me - please explain.

News:

Author Topic: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny. (Read 255688 times)