Funerals that have to be a laugh

[Free Willy]

I don't know but surely the inability to mourn is a sign of dehumanisation.

Is it down to the illusion of self shit?

Expect more humanity to disappear if that is at the bottom of things.

[Rhiannon]

Where’ve you got this from?

[floo]

I have only been to four funerals in my 68 years on this planet. My mother-in-law's funeral wake only lacked the party poppers and streamers. 

[Free Willy]

Where’ve you got this from?

Experience of people refusing to show any emotion except laughter and yes close relatives and friends and hearing a number of people say they want everyone to have a laugh at their own.
Why the fear of mourning or displaying grief?

[floo]

Experience of people refusing to show any emotion except laughter and yes close relatives and friends and hearing a number of people say they want everyone to have a laugh at their own.
Why the fear of mourning or displaying grief?

I have never felt grief at the funerals I attended.

[Rhiannon]

Experience of people refusing to show any emotion except laughter and yes close relatives and friends and hearing a number of people say they want everyone to have a laugh at their own.
Why the fear of mourning or displaying grief?

This is very judgemental of you. Maybe they prefer to share their grief privately. I’ve both cried and laughed at funerals. They mark a beginning of grief and mourning, it’s a process that isn’t there on demand, and certainly not for the approval of others.

The most unbearable funeral I’ve sttended was that if a small boy. It was beautifully done but nothing could hide the ugliness of a life that had ended way too soon and that changed a family and a community forever. Nobody laughed then so no doubt that would have met with your approval.

[Free Willy]

This is very judgemental of you. Maybe they prefer to share their grief privately. I’ve both cried and laughed at funerals. They mark a beginning of grief and mourning, it’s a process that isn’t there on demand, and certainly not for the approval of others.

If you've cried at a funeral then I say you get it.

A friend of mine who manages a lot of staff has noticed that when people die in his office people seem more blasé about it.
People are losing connections. No doubt someone will say that's evolution and we have to accept it.

[Nearly Sane]

If you've cried at a funeral then I say you get it.

A friend of mine who manages a lot of staff has noticed that when people die in his office people seem more blasé about it.
People are losing connections. No doubt someone will say that's evolution and we have to accept it.

So people who don't cry at funerals, do not get some non described 'it' by which you judge them deficient? Mmm....

[Nearly Sane]

And since anecdote is king on this are thread, I attended twelve funerals from July last year to Jan this year. People cried, laughed, stood stoically, brokedown , sometime the same person. But maybe they didn't have 'it'. And I should have told them they were doing funerals wrong. 

[Free Willy]

So people who don't cry at funerals, do not get some non described 'it' by which you judge them deficient? Mmm....

No I acknowledge that some people don't cry at funerals. I guess I am talking about the increasing suppression and incapability ofgrief and maybe lamenting the increased and socially expected uniformity of occasions as de rigeur ''Bits of a giggle''.

[Nearly Sane]

No I acknowledge that some people don't cry at funerals. I guess I am talking about the increasing suppression and incapability ofgrief and maybe lamenting the increased and socially expected uniformity of occasions as de rigeur ''Bits of a giggle''.

No, you're just making an unprecedented a exertion and using that to judge People who don't behave the way you think is right at a funeral as wrong. Further you're then making what vague wafting generalizations about something worse in some objective way with no justification or analysis. Having been to too many funerals last year, I  suggest that getting judgemental about how others with death, is not good look.

[Free Willy]

No, you're just making an unprecedented a exertion and using that to judge People who don't behave the way you think is right at a funeral as wrong. Further you're then making what vague wafting generalizations about something worse in some objective way with no justification or analysis. Having been to too many funerals last year, I  suggest that getting judgemental about how others with death, is not good look.

You may suggest that, it;s your forum after all.

[Nearly Sane]

You may suggest that, it;s your forum after all.

No, it isn't my forum. But it is your evasion.

[Free Willy]

No, it isn't my forum. But it is your evasion.

What am I evading? People are losing the ability to grieve and are turning everything into a bit of a laugh and banter because they have become intoxicated with Dawkins inspired Darwinism hence the parlous state of the BBC and the love affair of the British with extreme Thatcherism?............and that's just the good news.

[Nearly Sane]

What am I evading? People are losing the ability to grieve and are turning everything into a bit of a laugh and banter because they have become intoxicated with Dawkins inspired Darwinism hence the parlous state of the BBC and the love affair of the British with extreme Thatcherism?............and that's just the good news.

I forgive your evasion, your poisoning of the well, your hypocrisy, and your use of strawmen. I can only assume that someone important to you has died recently and this has led you to judge others reactions in this way. While understandable, I think you need to reach out to others to find the connection you are worried about losing. My thoughts are with you but you need to work through this. Take care

[Gordon]

Moderator:

Moved to here from Theism and Atheism.

[floo]

This is very judgemental of you. Maybe they prefer to share their grief privately. I’ve both cried and laughed at funerals. They mark a beginning of grief and mourning, it’s a process that isn’t there on demand, and certainly not for the approval of others.

The most unbearable funeral I’ve sttended was that if a small boy. It was beautifully done but nothing could hide the ugliness of a life that had ended way too soon and that changed a family and a community forever. Nobody laughed then so no doubt that would have met with your approval.

I am fortunate that I have never attended a funeral of a child, which would be very hard to bear.

[Robbie]

Yes it is, I have many years ago. A baby who was born prematurely and died after less than a day. That was terribly sad and everyone cried.

I also went to the funerals of an eighteen year old cousin & a young adult child of a friend. Everyone was grieving at both.

I don't know how many funerals I've attended but there has been grief at all of them, how much depended on the age of the deceased. A very elderly person, though they will be missed, is seen to have had a good long life and there's inevitability at their death.

People do tend to cheer up at a wake and talk about the deceased & eulogies by those who knew them well give comfort to those left behind but afterwards they are left alone with their thoughts & that's when the real grieving begins.

[floo]

I have never felt grief, even for my maternal grandmother of whom I was very fond. She had a massive stroke in 1980 when she was nearly 82, I was relieved that she died.  She would have hated to have required personal care, she had always been in control of her life until that point in time.

[Robbie]

I can understand how you felt about her funeral, I would have been the same in those circumstances. However you are fortunate never to have felt grief at any funeral - but you've only been to four.

[Harrowby Hall]

When my wife died, in her early 50s, I requested that people did not wear black or drab coloured clothes because - although this was a sad and serious occasion - we were there to celebrate that she had lived and that our lives were richer for that. Of course , I was grieving (and still am) but the sharpness of my grief actually came rather later.

Vlad asks: "Why the fear of mourning or displaying grief?"  There is no fear of mourning, but people in mourning should be left to find their own way. Not be forced into a particular form of grieving because the Victorians went over the top. Mourning is a period of adjustment to a new reality - the pain of loss is always there, but so is the need to adjust to a new, unplanned future.

I think, perhaps, that Matron should think very carefully about letting Vlad near the keyboard ...

[floo]

I can understand how you felt about her funeral, I would have been the same in those circumstances. However you are fortunate never to have felt grief at any funeral - but you've only been to four.

I didn't attend her funeral. I was unable to do so as it was term time and I had to get my children to school.

[ad_orientem]

Naturally what I think about funerals is influenced by my relugious beliefs, but the get together afterwards has always been uplifting, especially after my dad's and brother's funerals. They were a good old piss up, remembering and lots of crying and laughing.

[Robbie]

You've hit the nail on the head ad_o, a mix of crying and laughing. That's how funeral wakes usually are unless there has been a real tragedy. I'm sorry btw that you have lost brothers! That is very sad.

What am I evading? People are losing the ability to grieve and are turning everything into a bit of a laugh and banter because they have become intoxicated with Dawkins inspired Darwinism hence the parlous state of the BBC and the love affair of the British with extreme Thatcherism?............and that's just the good news.

I don't get the link to Darwinism but I do think there are some who try too hard not to show feelings, refuse to 'give in' to grief & others who are insensitive to the bereaved.
It takes all sorts Pvte. Frazier, we can't see into their heads. Some probably don't know how they are supposed to behave. We've lost a lot of our customs and rituals, even if they didn't have much real meaning people knew how to behave in certain circumstances & for how long. They also had more people around them to give support. Jews and Muslims could give us lessons on this subject!

[floo]

My father's funeral was quite interesting as it was very traditional as far as my home island was concerned. As the eldest child I was the chief mourner and had the most prominent position in the church, followed by my family, then my sisters and their families. I permitted my mother to be alongside me and my husband, even though that wasn't apparently required.