Funerals that have to be a laugh

[Robbie]

There have always been funeral/burial rites in all traditions, long before the Victorians.
In Victorian times children grew up with deaths of people of all ages, not morbid, it was normal & not a taboo subject; there were things people did when someone died, depending on their own beliefs & traditions. It has become less and less so & young people particularly find death hard to deal with especially disposing of the body. I've known people to be quite scared of that & have the attitude that the sooner it's over & the less anyone has to see or think about the details, the better.

No-one can help how they feel but having and giving support and observing some sort of tradition can be useful.

[Steve H]

I think It's whatever brings some comfort to those left behind, the christian churches can offer whatever they like, you don't have to take up their offerings Steve, sure as anything the ones in the boxes won't be bothered, either way.

Obviously, but you're moving the goalposts. the question was whether funerals were a Victorian invention.

[Anchorman]

My mother died last year and she'd left a fully paid up funeral plan for herself, to make life easier for me. She always maintained she didn't want any fuss and despite being a committed Christian this meant no church service, just a cremation, followed by tea and biscuits at her bungalow afterwards. I felt quite relieved as I'm not really one for events, and as an only child I'd have to sort everything out, but when the time came it just didn't feel right. She'd been a church person all her life and she'd arranged a terrific funeral and wake for my father when he died. I also realised that her friends in the church community hoped for something more traditional to send her on her way. So in the end we had a church funeral followed by refreshments in a side chapel organised by one of the church ladies and then the cremation, which we didn't attend. It was a strange time for me as I was never quite sure who I was doing all this for. My mother was past caring and this wasn't what she'd asked for, I'm not churchy and hate rituals and gatherings of all sorts, and I didn't know her friends anyway. But it seemed the right thing to do and in the end everyone felt that it worked out very well. The decisions somehow made themselves and I felt more like a passenger than the person in the driving seat, but that felt appropriate too. When my time comes I'd like to be left somewhere for the buzzards and foxes, though they'd probably find me a bit stringy. But really funerals are for the living and it seems right to leave them to do whatever they feel comfortable with.

I should enjoy that mead while you still can. You won't be able to take it with you! My OH, who's a beekeeper, makes lots of the stuff from her honey but sadly I never get offered much of it. She hoards it as it gets better with age and she wins prizes for it all over the country. Last year she was awarded first in one of the biggest shows in the UK and was given an enormous mead horn, decorated with silver and fully a metre long! I do get to drink her honey beer though, for which she also regularly wins firsts.

If your mum didn't want a church funeral, then that was her choice - nd the church should have respected it, imho.
The words and hymns can do nothing for the deceased, and if the family - the nearest and dearest - felt uncomfortable being there, not much for them, either.
The main purpose of a church service is to praise and glorify God - even in grief.
However if those there are only going through thr motions because it's the 'done thing' there is no glrory there.

[SusanDoris]

This subject came up on the religious magazine programme on Radio 4 this morning. Funeral directors report that more and more customers are going "straight to  cremation" perhaps with a later event celebrating the life of the dead person.

My understanding (there was a mention of it in the item) is that the modern concept of a funeral is largely a Victorian invention. What is so special about having a dead body in a locked box in a church?

Yes, I heard that too - most interesting. One of my brothers died last year and the simplest of coffins was taken by the Funeral Directors at the earliest opportunity to the crematorium - the family had already said their farewells quietly and there was zero religious belief involved.

There was quite a large family and friends get-together later in July.
My sons will do the same for my body and although there could be a very small gathering for local friends and mobile nieces and nephews, my old friends and contemporaries live quite far and have their own mobility and health problems, so I hope I shall be able to say farewell to them before hand when the time arises.   A practical approach is the best as far as I am concerned.

[ippy]

Obviously, but you're moving the goalposts. the question was whether funerals were a Victorian invention.

Steve, the Victorians were notorious ones for going over the top in all sorts of ways, funerals included, most of them are gone now including their over the top style, which would look to some, in it's time, no doubt look as though they invented the whole process as well.

Regards ippy   

[Harrowby Hall]

Obviously, but you're moving the goalposts. the question was whether funerals were a Victorian invention.

And you should try reading what is written - not what you think is written.


I wrote

My understanding (there was a mention of it in the item) is that the modern concept of a funeral is largely a Victorian invention.

Of course there have always been funerals and funerary practices, but it was the Victorians who bequeathed(!) practices such as wearing black and mournful music.

[jeremyp]

This subject came up on the religious magazine programme on Radio 4 this morning. Funeral directors report that more and more customers are going "straight to  cremation" perhaps with a later event celebrating the life of the dead person.

My understanding (there was a mention of it in the item) is that the modern concept of a funeral is largely a Victorian invention. What is so special about having a dead body in a locked box in a church?

The main advantage of using a church is that it is usually a lot bigger than the chapel available at the crematorium and you are less tight for time. The last but one funeral I went to was for a friend of mine who "died young" (he died around 50 but was a cystic fibrosis sufferer). His wife chose to have the non religious memorial service in the crematorium chapel. She had to book two slots for the service she wanted and the chapel was packed with people standing two deep all along the walls at the back. It would have been much more comfortable IMO to do the main service in the church followed by a small committal in the crem, or even do the committal first with only a select band of mourners and then have a memorial service in a church.

[Rhiannon]

I would have thought you could have a non religious memorial service anywhere at all.

I’ve attended a non religious memorial service in a church which was led by the parish priest. He stuck to the widow’s request not to do god at all, and he didn’t take his usual fee as he said not mentioning god wasn’t part of his job so he felt he couldn’t charge in those circumstances. The cremation itself was separate and humanist.

[jeremyp]

I would have thought you could have a non religious memorial service anywhere at all.

I'm sure you could, but churches tend to be geared up to providing this kind of service (in the service industry sense as well as the church service sense) with staff who know what they are doing.