‘Caring for a child with mental health issues’

[Rhiannon]

A very touching film marred by the stupid headline. It might as well say ‘caring for a child with an illness’, which could mean anything from a tummy bug to leukaemia. The vast majority of MH problems are nothing like as sad and as hard as this and my feeling is that in continuing to put each and every kind of mental health problem under one banner we are just furthering the fear and stigma.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/av/stories-45023283/they-deserve-life-to-be-happy-caring-for-a-child-with-mental-health-issues

[Roses]

I would find it very hard to cope with a child with mental health issues, as opposed to learning difficulties like our two adopted sons.

[Rhiannon]

Why? And how do you define 'mental health difficulties'?

[Nearly Sane]

As Rhiannon noted the idea that there is a simple thing such as mental health issues, and you address it in that way is just odd. With only a hint of joking, isn't being a teenager by definition having 'mental health issues '?


Speaking as someone who has had depression on and off from before the age of 10, I think my parents would say/have said that I was a mostly very easy child/teenager to parent, at some stages because of rather than despite the depression. (at least that's what I tell ourselves on the not too bad days).

[Rhiannon]

"I would find it very hard to cope with children with learning difficulties, rather than children with mental health issues."

Is that acceptable?

[Rhiannon]

As Rhiannon noted the idea that there is a simple thing such as mental health issues, and you address it in that way is just odd. With only a hint of joking, isn't being a teenager by definition having 'mental health issues '?


Speaking as someone who has had depression on and off from before the age of 10, I think my parents would say/have said that I was a mostly very easy child/teenager to parent, at some stages because of rather than despite the depression. (at least that's what I tell ourselves on the not too bad days).

How many parents even notice, NS?

[Nearly Sane]

"I would find it very hard to cope with children with learning difficulties, rather than children with mental health issues."

Is that acceptable?

As a honest expression, yes. The question surely is can it be justified as based on any reasonable knowledge of mental health.

[Rhiannon]

As a honest expression, yes. The question surely is can it be justified as based on any reasonable knowledge of mental health.

Maybe as an 'honest expression' it is ok. But what it actually does is compares one kind of children with additional needs to another.

[Nearly Sane]

How many parents even notice, NS?

That's sort of what I was covering with my tongue in cheek comment about teenagers.  We like labels and miss the spectrum of behaviour.

[Rhiannon]

That's sort of what I was covering with my tongue in cheek comment about teenagers.  We like labels and miss the spectrum of behaviour.

 

[Nearly Sane]

Maybe as an 'honest expression' it is ok. But what it actually does is compares one kind of children with additional needs to another.

Except surely on one level it is only about the person making it. I have  found it easier to care for people suffering from severe physical illnesses, than those suffering dementia. It may be different for others but that's just reporting how it felt for me.

[Rhiannon]

Except surely on one level it is only about the person making it. I have  found it easier to care for people suffering from severe physical illnesses, than those suffering dementia. It may be different for others but that's just reporting how it felt for me.

One thing I learned from my days on Mumsnet is that such value judgements shouldn't be said out loud, especially in the presence of parents whose kids have SEND of any kind. It's unfair to people who face judgement every day, especially the children themselves.

[Nearly Sane]

One thing I learned from my days on Mumsnet is that such value judgements shouldn't be said out loud, especially in the presence of parents whose kids have SEND of any kind. It's unfair to people who face judgement every day, especially the children themselves.

Isn't that a judgement of people expressing what they find hard that makes an unfair judgement? When I found dealing with dementia harder than physical disablement, it's me saying that about me. I shouldn't be able to say that?

[Roses]

"I would find it very hard to cope with children with learning difficulties, rather than children with mental health issues."

Is that acceptable?

Yes.

[Nearly Sane]

Yes.

Why?

[Roses]

Why?

From my point of view, I would find it much more challenging than a child with learning difficulties, especially if the child's mental health issues were serious.

[Nearly Sane]

From my point of view, I would find it much more challenging than a child with learning difficulties, especially if the child's mental health issues were serious.

That's just repeating what you said as the reason. This is circular logic. It's a fallacy. As Rhiannin, asked what do you define as mental health issues?

[Rhiannon]

Isn't that a judgement of people expressing what they find hard that makes an unfair judgement? When I found dealing with dementia harder than physical disablement, it's me saying that about me. I shouldn't be able to say that?

Maybe this is irrational but it is a different thing when saying 'I couldn't cope with a parent with dementia' to 'I couldn't cope with a child with Down's' or whatever. Or maybe it isn't. What is being said about that child is a value judgement - that 'this condition' is so appalling to me that I couldn't cope with it. And people feel differently about their kids than they do their parents or loved ones. If your kid has an issue it tends to bring out the tiger parent in you.

I'm linking to 'Wouldn't Change a Thing' because I think it is the perception of a paediatric illness or condition that shapes what we think we can and can't cope with. I know that LR thinks that someone with MH conditions shouldn't be allowed to parent, for example, but most parents with MH issues do just fine. Her perception of what MH illness is skews what she thinks about parenting a child with a MH issue, which usually bears little resemblance to dealing with the kind of very severe illness in the link.

http://www.wouldntchangeathing.org

Which is kind of the point of the thread really - the misconceptions of what 'mental health issues' even are.

[Roses]

Maybe this is irrational but it is a different thing when saying 'I couldn't cope with a parent with dementia' to 'I couldn't cope with a child with Down's' or whatever. Or maybe it isn't. What is being said about that child is a value judgement - that 'this condition' is so appalling to me that I couldn't cope with it. And people feel differently about their kids than they do their parents or loved ones. If your kid has an issue it tends to bring out the tiger parent in you.

I'm linking to 'Wouldn't Change a Thing' because I think it is the perception of a paediatric illness or condition that shapes what we think we can and can't cope with. I know that LR thinks that someone with MH conditions shouldn't be allowed to parent, for example, but most parents with MH issues do just fine. Her perception of what MH illness is skews what she thinks about parenting a child with a MH issue, which usually bears little resemblance to dealing with the kind of very severe illness in the link.

Which is kind of the point of the thread really - the misconceptions of what 'mental health issues' even are.

If a birth child of mine had developed an eating disorder, serious anxiety, depression or any of the other things considered to be a mental illness I would have found it very hard to cope with them. I would have given it my best shot of course, but would probably have been found wanting. I would definitely not cope with an adult who had dementia, like my late mother, for instance. If my husband goes down that route, like his older brother, I will put him in a home.

[Rhiannon]

If a birth child of mine had developed an eating disorder, serious anxiety, depression or any of the other things considered to be a mental illness I would have found it very hard to cope with them. I would have given it my best shot of course, but would probably have been found wanting. I would definitely not cope with an adult who had dementia, like my late mother, for instance. If my husband goes down that route, like his older brother, I will put him in a home.

Depression and anxiety are very different things from an eating disorder. The latter has the highest mortality rate of all mental illnesses.

What behaviours do you think a child with anxiety might have?

[Nearly Sane]

If a birth child of mine had developed an eating disorder, serious anxiety, depression or any of the other things considered to be a mental illness I would have found it very hard to cope with them. I would have given it my best shot of course, but would probably have been found wanting. I would definitely not cope with an adult who had dementia, like my late mother, for instance. If my husband goes down that route, like his older brother, I will put him in a home.

Your have no clue about mental illness. That you think you could diagnose it shows that

[Roses]

Depression and anxiety are very different things from an eating disorder. The latter has the highest mortality rate of all mental illnesses.

What behaviours do you think a child with anxiety might have?

Losing their temper BIG TIME over trivia, as I know for a fact, having experience of a child with anxiety whom I know well. I would have found it hard to cope with 24/7, as his parent had to do when he was younger.

[Rhiannon]

Losing their temper BIG TIME over trivia, as I know for a fact, having experience of a child with anxiety whom I know well. I would have found it hard to cope with 24/7, as his parent had to do when he was younger.

So actually you really don't know shit then.

[Roses]

So actually you really don't know shit then.

What are you on about? I know plenty about a child with anxiety having looked after him when he was young.

[Rhiannon]

What are you on about? I know plenty about a child with anxiety having looked after him when he was young.

And yet you can't tell the difference between a panic reaction and a temper tantrum.

And anxious kids don't panic over 'trivia', they panic over things that scare them.