‘Caring for a child with mental health issues’

[Roses]

And yet you can't tell the difference between a panic reaction and a temper tantrum.

And anxious kids don't panic over 'trivia', they panic over things that scare them.

You obviously don't know what you are talking about. He was diagnosed with anxiety syndrome when he was young. One of the ways it exhibited itself was by throwing a serious temper tantrum, he could do a lot of damage when occurred and had to be physically restrained.

[Rhiannon]

Anxiety syndrome?

[Robbie]

Anxiety disorders in children sometimes manifest themselves differently to those in adults. I can actually imagine how frustrating it must be for a child when they cannot express themselves adequately and no-one (adult) seems to understand, maybe are even cross or judgemental. That could build up inside and come out in rage. It takes a lot of patience, love and insight to care for a child like that who will feel quite ill and 'different'. They need to know they are loved and secure regardless.

Writing about that is making me feel anxious and weepy btw  . I can just imagine how terrible it must be to feel that no-one cares enough about the turmoil inside to be bothered to delve beneath the surface.

LR you might find this article interesting : https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/anxiety-disorders-in-children/

[Rhiannon]

Exactly, Robbie. Anxiety disorders, which come in myriad forms.

There's a whole shit more to it than a 'temper tantrum'. A common thing that I've noticed is that other adults think the the child is 'acting up', when in fact they are out of their comfort zone and feel really scared. I can remember similar things happening to me as a child. For example, my grandmother wanted to go to the cemetery and visit my granddad's grave, but I'd never been to one before and felt terrified of what would happen, and of the sadness of the adults around me. So I got upset and I probably looked stroppy and entitled, so we didn't go and everyone told me how selfish I was. I hated myself for that for so long after.

[Roses]

Exactly, Robbie. Anxiety disorders, which come in myriad forms.

There's a whole shit more to it than a 'temper tantrum'. A common thing that I've noticed is that other adults think the the child is 'acting up', when in fact they are out of their comfort zone and feel really scared. I can remember similar things happening to me as a child. For example, my grandmother wanted to go to the cemetery and visit my granddad's grave, but I'd never been to one before and felt terrified of what would happen, and of the sadness of the adults around me. So I got upset and I probably looked stroppy and entitled, so we didn't go and everyone told me how selfish I was. I hated myself for that for so long after.

I am not stupid Rhi, I am aware of the fact that anxiety disorders have a lots of different components to them. My grandson's anxiety disorder, more often than not, was displayed as a violent temper tantrum. Maybe you would like to challenge his medic and his diagnosis! Fortunately in his teenage years he is managing to control it, as he has studied his problem in depth and has worked out strategies, which help him to cope with it.

[Rhiannon]

I am not stupid Rhi, I am aware of the fact that anxiety disorders have a lots of different components to them. My grandson's anxiety disorder, more often than not, was displayed as a violent temper tantrum. Maybe you would like to challenge his medic and his diagnosis! Fortunately in his teenage years he is managing to control it, as he has studied his problem in depth and has worked out strategies, which help him to cope with it.

LR, I may be wrong here but from everything you describe I have had in my mind that you are talking about the grandchild that you have mentioned who has ASD. That comes with its own set of challenges, however high-functioning the individual, including anxiety, but it's a different situation to anxiety in a child without it. I'm glad that your grandson is able to control it. It is something that can be managed and even overcome, which is one reason why the stigma around MH and also conditions like ASD are so sad (I too have experience of both), although I'd like to think that things are changing.

If you feel uncomfortable about your private family stuff being discussed here you can ask the mods to remove theses posts.

[Roses]

LR, I may be wrong here but from everything you describe I have had in my mind that you are talking about the grandchild that you have mentioned who has ASD. That comes with its own set of challenges, however high-functioning the individual, including anxiety, but it's a different situation to anxiety in a child without it. I'm glad that your grandson is able to control it. It is something that can be managed and even overcome, which is one reason why the stigma around MH and also conditions like ASD are so sad (I too have experience of both), although I'd like to think that things are changing.

If you feel uncomfortable about your private family stuff being discussed here you can ask the mods to remove theses posts.

Yes he has Asperger's too, but that condition appears to have granted him a very high intelligence so it isn't all bad at all. As I have stated before I think my husband also has the condition, that is probably why I was attracted to him as he was so different to any of the other guys, I had come across, when I was a teenager.

[Steve H]

Maybe as an 'honest expression' it is ok. But what it actually does is compares one kind of children with additional needs to another.

So what?

[Steve H]

Exactly, Robbie. Anxiety disorders, which come in myriad forms.

There's a whole shit more to it than a 'temper tantrum'. A common thing that I've noticed is that other adults think the the child is 'acting up', when in fact they are out of their comfort zone and feel really scared. I can remember similar things happening to me as a child. For example, my grandmother wanted to go to the cemetery and visit my granddad's grave, but I'd never been to one before and felt terrified of what would happen, and of the sadness of the adults around me. So I got upset and I probably looked stroppy and entitled, so we didn't go and everyone told me how selfish I was. I hated myself for that for so long after.

You lost my interest at "comfort zone", a tedious psycho-babble cliche.

[Rhiannon]

So what?

Because judging one set of kids as 'better' than another isn't a good thing. It's not a comparison saying 'these do this and these do that', it is saying 'these are acceptable to me, these aren't.'

A lot of people don't have choices over what they can and cannot 'cope with', especially when it comes to parenting. Additional layers of judgement aren't helpful.

[Rhiannon]

You lost my interest at "comfort zone", a tedious psycho-babble cliche.

Never mind. Why bother trying to learn something when you can be smug and self-satisfied instead?

[Robbie]

Maybe as an 'honest expression' it is ok. But what it actually does is compares one kind of children with additional needs to another.

So what?

"Mental health issues" is too broad a term. Think about it, you can't compare anxiety with schizophrenia. As Rhiannon said it's like putting a tummy bug and leukaemia under one umbrella.

You lost my interest at "comfort zone", a tedious psycho-babble cliche.

No it isn't, it's a widely used expression for many things and has been for a very long time. Work, play, hobbies, holidays, study, the company you keep. We all have comfort zones in which we are confident.
Why so curmudgeonly?

Never mind. Why bother trying to learn something when you can be smug and self-satisfied instead?

I think 'Not Genial Today' just got out of bed on the wrong side this morning.

LR sorry I didn't realise when you talked about caring for a child with anxiety that you were meaning your grandson. Thought it might be someone you just babysit for. You have first hand experience of a child with anxiety.

There are situations in which and people with whom I would not feel comfortable and confident. I'd make an effort but not make a career out of them.