Author Topic: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny. (Read 206703 times)

Steve H · « **Reply #325 on:** July 15, 2019, 10:20:36 PM »

There are more words that break that rule than there are that conform to it, though it must be said in fairness that many of the rule-breakers are foreign loan-words, e.g. "apartheid". Nevertheless, it's a rule best ignored.

bluehillside Retd. · « **Reply #326 on:** July 16, 2019, 08:22:15 AM »

NS,

I know. Just ask Keith.

SusanDoris · « **Reply #327 on:** July 16, 2019, 05:29:46 PM »

Quote from: Spud on July 15, 2019, 11:12:06 AM

I BEFORE E
EXCEPT AFTER C
DISPROVED BY SCIENCE.

Pedant alert: I before E except aftr C
When the ie rhymes with me

jeremyp · « **Reply #328 on:** July 17, 2019, 09:40:20 AM »

I have a compulsion to take photos of myself standing next to boiling kettles.

The doctor says I have issues with my selfie steam

Piers, nothing between the ears · « **Reply #329 on:** July 18, 2019, 04:33:19 AM »

Quote from: SusanDoris on July 16, 2019, 05:29:46 PM

Pedant alert: I before E except aftr C
When the ie rhymes with me

Is that right? I would look it up, but I don't have the enthusiasm at the moment. Post #322 was from a post on Facebook, which I found funny, it was written on a sign.

ippy · « **Reply #330 on:** July 18, 2019, 07:44:49 PM »

There was the cross eyed teacher that couldn't control her pupils.

Steve H · « **Reply #331 on:** July 27, 2019, 05:08:52 PM »

Saw a lorry today, belonging to a fruit and veg. firm. It's registration number was VEG13S.

Harrowby Hall · « **Reply #332 on:** July 27, 2019, 05:34:00 PM »

When a Frenchman buys a van, is that a fourgon conclusion?

Aruntraveller · « **Reply #333 on:** August 19, 2019, 08:02:40 AM »

Fringe time again:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-edinburgh-east-fife-49389208

Stranger · « **Reply #334 on:** August 19, 2019, 11:31:34 AM »

Quote from: Trentvoyager on August 19, 2019, 08:02:40 AM

Fringe time again:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-edinburgh-east-fife-49389208

Did like the Milton Jones one: "What's driving Brexit? From here it looks like it's probably the Duke of Edinburgh".

Walter · « **Reply #335 on:** September 09, 2019, 05:48:42 PM »

I once met a crippled aristocrat , he rode about on a nobility scooter!

You couldn't make it up !

jeremyp · « **Reply #336 on:** September 09, 2019, 08:12:48 PM »

Quote from: Walter on September 09, 2019, 05:48:42 PM

You couldn't make it up !

Somebody did.

Walter · « **Reply #337 on:** September 10, 2019, 11:23:39 AM »

Quote from: jeremyp on September 09, 2019, 08:12:48 PM

Somebody did.

yeah !
It was me 😂

Walter · « **Reply #338 on:** October 05, 2019, 06:00:30 PM »

my girlfriend isn't religious but her parents are. On a recent visit to their house her dad wouldn't let us sleep together, which was very disappointing , he was rather attractive

Steve H · « **Reply #339 on:** October 21, 2019, 01:44:56 PM »

How do you pronounce "Burntisland"?

Gordon · « **Reply #340 on:** October 21, 2019, 01:58:49 PM »

Exactly as it reads, Steve, 'burnt' quickly followed by 'island', and I know someone who actually lives there - but remember to get the 'u' vowel sound right (as in 'up'), and of course roll the 'r' a little and sound the 't'.

P.S. If there is a joke I may have missed it.

Steve H · « **Reply #341 on:** October 21, 2019, 10:34:20 PM »

"Burntisland Cowdenbeath" is a pun on Bendydick Thundersnatch - I mean Benylin Downthehatch - I mean Bennyhill Cabbagepatch. Him.
As for the pronunciation of "Burntisland", it could be "burnt iss land" or "burnt eye land". I take it you mean the latter.

Gordon · « **Reply #342 on:** October 21, 2019, 10:43:20 PM »

Quote from: Steve H on October 21, 2019, 10:34:20 PM

"Burntisland Cowdenbeath" is a pun on Bendydick Thundersnatch - I mean Benylin Downthehatch - I mean Bennyhill Cabbagepatch. Him.
As for the pronunciation of "Burntisland", it could be "burnt iss land" or "burnt eye land". I take it you mean the latter.

I knew there was something I was missing joke-wise

To say it with longish 'eye' pronunciation and a separate 'land' wouldn't be how it would be said here: definitely say 'island'.

Aruntraveller · « **Reply #343 on:** October 22, 2019, 08:13:48 AM »

I Boiled a funny bone once.

It turned into a laughing stock.

That's a humerus joke.

Roses · « **Reply #344 on:** October 22, 2019, 08:31:26 AM »

Quote from: Trentvoyager on October 22, 2019, 08:13:48 AM

I Boiled a funny bone once.

It turned into a laughing stock.

That's a humerus joke.

That is so bad it is very funny.

Steve H · « **Reply #345 on:** October 22, 2019, 09:44:37 AM »

I wanted to use "Beefstew" as my password on a website, but it wasn't stroganoff, so, since it had to have eight characters, I went for "Snowwhiteandthesevendwarfs".

Walter · « **Reply #346 on:** October 22, 2019, 01:20:50 PM »

Walter · « **Reply #347 on:** October 27, 2019, 07:37:04 PM »

There's a new exciting Cider just launched onto the market made by Dickens .
My girlfriend can't wait to try one most evenings after work 😱😂

Roses · « **Reply #348 on:** October 30, 2019, 03:42:42 PM »

My daughter made me giggle just now. Tesco had just delivered her goods, the delivery chap told her that a customer had ordered a large number of white bread rolls for a party, and somehow the order had got mixed up and they delivered a load of white toilet rolls instead.

Sebastian Toe · « **Reply #349 on:** October 30, 2019, 07:43:17 PM »

Quote from: Littleroses on October 30, 2019, 03:42:42 PM

My daughter made me giggle just now. Tesco had just delivered her goods, the delivery chap told her that a customer had ordered a large number of white bread rolls for a party, and somehow the order had got mixed up and they delivered a load of white toilet rolls instead.

Loodicrous!

News:

Author Topic: More jokes please, good or bad as long as they're funny. (Read 206703 times)